Pass on the Sabotage Soup

It is so easy to sabotage our efforts at weight loss. I have devised some rules to help prevent the circumstances that lead to sabotage.

No food allowed in the car: it's like trapping yourself in a confined space with the enemy. Don't do it.

No bad stuff in the house: if you have it around, you'll eat it. Buy yourself some time to get over the craving so you can identify what's really eating you before you turn to food. Lately I have been craving pizza, and the fact that there is none around is very helpful.

You are not the trash: if there is left-over food, throw it out. You know that in all likelihood no one else will eat it, and since emotional eaters don't like to waste perfectly good ammo, it will end down your personal disposal. Spare yourself the temptation, unless of course it's left-over salad or veggies or something that's on the good food list.

Don't eat at a restaurant that's main claim to fame is serving enormous portions: if it's on your plate, you'll eat it. When eating out, consider ordering a couple of appetizers to please your palate if you're feeling vulnerable--it will stretch the eating experience without stretching your waistline. I went out to dinner with friends the other night and thought I'd try it, and it worked great! I even treated myself to a small dessert since I really had limited my portion of dinner. The server was very considerate and asked if I wanted one of my appetizers brought out with the main entrees, which I did.

Think about ways that you might sabotage yourself and then develop some strategies to prevent those occurences as much as possible. With a little bit of planning, you can pass on the sabotage soup.

Food Source

I don't know if you're the same as me in this regard, but when I am tired there's almost no way to prevent over-eating or poor eating. And I'm tired a lot.

I know that it's a vicious cycle and that feeling tired or drained makes me want to eat more, particularly sweet or fatty foods, and that those foods in turn leave me depleted (even if after an initial burst of energy.)

So, at the root of my dilemma is making sure that I make sufficient time to rest--this is not just about sleeping at night, which I generally do, but about setting aside some rest time during the day or evening as well. This is just what my body needs. So, if I don't choose to rest, I am choosing to over-eat and to put myself last.

I also recognize that if I exercise more, I will eventually have more energy. At this point in my weight cycle, however, exercise also makes me tired, so I need to exercise before a meal time so that this also doesn't become a reason to over-eat or eat poorly.

What are your triggers for emotional eating? When you're feeling tired? Lonely? Happy? Nervous? Give it some thought so that you can try and overcome emotional eating at the source.

Inspiration from Perspiration

I recently started exercising again, in addition to daily walking. I spend 30 minutes at the gym one or two times a week and I watch my NIA tapes one or two times a week. I highly recommend NIA (neuromuscular integrative action) to anyone who likes to have fun while exercising. The taped routines are led by Carlos and Debbie Rosas, a dynamic latino guy who can rival the sexiness and charisma of any Hollywood hunk and his mellow, graceful companion, both of whom make you feel right at home and offer lots of encouragement along the way. I have very little space to use, and I am able to fully complete all the movements without feeling constrained. The classes are demonstrated at two levels--easy and harder. So, depending on how you're feeling, you can complete the same routine with more or less exersion. Either way, NIA is all low-impact, totally inspiring, and very uplifting. More at Niawave.com

Happy dancing.

A Hefty Helping of Fear and Shame

It sounds so simple, but it's surprising how often we don't eat when we're hungry and then eat when we're not. How do we develop that habit?

For me, it started as a child. I would come home from school by 4:30 feeling so hungry, and was told that I could not snack, which was equated with "filling up before dinner." Dinner, however, was not until 7:00 pm. as set by the head of household. So, I used to sneak food into my room and eat when I was hungry, but I imagine that there was guilt and fear connected with that choice. I then would sit down to eat my dinner with the family as well. That is the earliest I can remember forming my belief system that learning to meet my own needs with food was a bad thing loaded with shame and secrecy. When did you first learn to sneak food? Is eating still loaded with a hefty helping of fear or shame today?

I have decided that I will eat meals or light snacks when my appetite tells me it's time. That may not be the same time as others in the family. They, too, are free to eat when they're hungry. Meal time can still be a social time, or perhaps gathering together in the evening for other reasons will suffice. I, like many of you, was raised with the notion that one of the most sacred times for a family is the evening meal time. However, if a tradition doesn't work, perhaps it can be re-worked slightly to suit current needs. I have come up with some ways to share a meal with others on those days I need to earlier, without over-eating. I have a meal earlier when I am hungry and then a yoghurt, salad or piece of fruit with the family at dinner.

What about your kids: are they empowered to eat when they're hungry? With childhood obesity on the rise in this country, it's time for us to look at what we are teaching our kids about self-worth and eating, not just about nutrition. My 3 year-old is usually hungry for dinner earlier than the rest of us, but we cannot always get to making a nutritious dinner form him by that time. We've come up with some healthy snacks that he loves that support his need to eat when he is hungry without sacrificing nutritional value or filling him up too much. He gets his own containers of hummus and his own stash of crackers or he can pick his favorite dipping sauce to have with carrots. Sometimes just a small serving of pine nuts or raisins will do. He is learning that he can meet his own needs by expressing them to his caretakers, and he is building his self-worth by being validated in his expressed needs.

If we don't allow ourselves to eat when we're hungry, and force ourselves to eat when we're not, then we're training out one of the most basic mechanisms for a healthy body that we were given at birth. Our bodies will instead learn to meet other needs with food, like social or emotional needs, before biological needs. This probably works fine for folks who can eat a whole lot and not gain too much weight, or who are not emotional eaters. But for the rest of us, it takes away our power to take care of ourselves. Instead of forbidding snacks, how about helping a youngster identify snack food choices that are healthy and satisfying. If you don't, the snack food advertisers of the world will make your kids' choices very easy, just like they do yours.

Are you validating your self-worth when you eat?

Fear Not the Buffet

I went to an event last night that featured a buffet.

So, how do you think I did? Did I feel out of control and over-eat? No.

I did just fine, and you can too. I enjoyed the feeling that I could have as much as I wanted and that I didn't want that much. I tried a little of several tasty dishes, and found myself quite capable of handling the trade-off between a puff pastry for dessert and the second sliver of brie cheese that I had been coveting since the first sliver earlier in the evening. I allowed myself to have the second serving of brie as a reward for having eaten so well. I was particularly pleased with having passed on the Belgian chocolate and for giving my husband the larger slice of the roll we split.

I realize that it's about taking baby steps. Everyone's trying to sell me an overnight solution for losing weight, but I don't buy it. I'm going to learn how to eat for life (not live to eat), once and for all, and have faith that the weight loss will follow. I'm going to listen to my feelings about food and accept them without allowing them to ruin my life.

I have started walking again now that the weather is a little warmer. See if you can take some baby steps too. After all, learning to give up food as a source of comfort is like giving up your blankie or the bottle--you are raising yourself to be a healthy new adult. For a lot of us, there's a pretty good chance we were not given the guidance or support we needed the first time around to be healthy eaters. So, give yourself that gift.

I am grateful for the simplicity of letting go of emotional eating, self-acceptance, and for the power to change the things I can.

I am not afraid of buffets, and feel confident that even if I lived in Vegas and just ate at buffets, I would still lose weight. When you're ready to test your resolve, head to the nearest buffet. You'll see that your new-found desire to take better care of yourself is stronger than stroganoff.

Enlightened Eating

I realize now that I can lose weight easier if I let go of things in my life I am trying to hold on to from the past--old losses, people who have disappointed me, regrets. As I allow myself to let those go and re-create my reality anew, without holding on to should haves or could haves, I don't feel a need to eat so much to compensate for what I feel I have lost. I can lighten up.

Enlighted eating feels very different from emotional eating.

EnLightened eating means that what I eat is not loaded down with emotional baggage but simply meets my nutritional needs. There are people who can “get away with” eating for the pleasure of it or for other emotional reasons and not put on weight. However, if you’re reading this, you’re probably not among that group. I'm sure not.

EnLightened eating feels satisfying and nurturing. No shame or fear tied to it.

EnLightened eating does not weigh you down, bloat or distend you, fatigue you or hype you. It works with any diet plan that suits you, whether low fat, low carb, low sugar, vegetarian, it doesn’t matter. You will need to experiment with different ways of eating to figure out what feels right for you and leaves you feeling well.
Which food affirms your value and serves your needs, and which negates your value and robs you of your self-worth. For me, it's also a matter of how much food I eat. Too much of even a highly nutritional food makes me feel bad.

I don't want to feel bad anymore. I seek enlightenment. How about you?

Food for Thought

I can begin to change my mind about food by meeting food with indifference. Not disdain, not resentment, not resistance, not anger, not lust, not longing or even curiosity—just indifference. I need to get to that point before I can change my eating habits. It’s not that you lose your appetite for food, but you lose the longing for food—you become emotionally detached from food. I’ll know I have succeeded at this when I can look my favorite indulgence foods straight on and say “I don’t need you,” “you’re not that important to me.” Lately, I am able to do just that more and more.

I am what I eat

Once I have the motivation to lose weight, I want to recognize the self-concepts that sabotage healthy eating habits. I make a direct link between how I feel about myself and how I eat.

Here's my list:

I am trash, I eat trashy food
I am weak, I eat weakening food
I am poor, I eat poor food (food that is poor in nutrition)
I am empty, I eat empty food
I am stressed, I stuff food down
I am last, I eat what’s left
I don’t matter, I eat indiscriminately
I don’t count, I eat endlessly
I am neglected, I am neglectful in my food choices

I can turn those self-concepts around to create a new, healthier foundation for food choices:

I am enough, one serving is enough
I am whole, I eat whole food
I am good, I eat food that's good for me
I am strong, I eat strengthening food
I am a nurturer, I eat nurturing food
I matter, I am a conscious eater
I am stressed, I eat supportive foods

Try coming up with your own list.

I, like you, am almost always under some kind of stress, and stress is a major trigger for my emotional eating. Since I cannot get rid of stress, I will build an arsenal of food strategies to help me respond differently. I'll let you know what I figure out.

Why lose weight?

If you're an emotional eater, you know that sometimes food feels like your only meaningful connection to reality--especially when reality is really hard. So, why are you going to give it up? You have to have some truly compelling reasons to change how you eat to counteract the strong drive you have to eat when you're feeling just about any challenging emotion--and that's most of the time.

It's helpful for me to make a list of what my motivators for weight loss are, particularly in light of my doctor's recent revelation that I have a condition that pre-disposes me to cardio-vascular disease and I am 40-something. Try to come up with your own, and see if emotional eating is more important to you than your other motivators.

I want to live to be a grandma
I want to have more energy to enjoy my 3 year-old
I want to engage in more physical activities and have more fun with others
I want to be a better lover
I want to dance again
I want to share a Silver Anniversary with my husband
I want to watch my sons grow up, be there for them, and see what becomes of them
I want to continue to evolve and grow as a person and make the most of my life

I guess these motivators seem like simple wishes, but continuing to be an emotional eater can create disease and rob me of these wishes. I think it's time to stop.

Welcome to the Emotional Eater's Story

I'm an Emotional Eater.

Like me, you probably don't need a checklist to determine that you're an Emotional Eater, you just know that you choose to eat for reasons other than physical hunger.

Like me, you probably weigh more than you'd like--a LOT more.

Like me, you have never been able to diet or have just never wanted to.

Let me share my weight loss journey with you in the hope that you might benefit from my experience.

You can call me Betty, and this is my Emotional Eater's story.