A Hefty Helping of Fear and Shame
It sounds so simple, but it's surprising how often we don't eat when we're hungry and then eat when we're not. How do we develop that habit?
For me, it started as a child. I would come home from school by 4:30 feeling so hungry, and was told that I could not snack, which was equated with "filling up before dinner." Dinner, however, was not until 7:00 pm. as set by the head of household. So, I used to sneak food into my room and eat when I was hungry, but I imagine that there was guilt and fear connected with that choice. I then would sit down to eat my dinner with the family as well. That is the earliest I can remember forming my belief system that learning to meet my own needs with food was a bad thing loaded with shame and secrecy. When did you first learn to sneak food? Is eating still loaded with a hefty helping of fear or shame today?
I have decided that I will eat meals or light snacks when my appetite tells me it's time. That may not be the same time as others in the family. They, too, are free to eat when they're hungry. Meal time can still be a social time, or perhaps gathering together in the evening for other reasons will suffice. I, like many of you, was raised with the notion that one of the most sacred times for a family is the evening meal time. However, if a tradition doesn't work, perhaps it can be re-worked slightly to suit current needs. I have come up with some ways to share a meal with others on those days I need to earlier, without over-eating. I have a meal earlier when I am hungry and then a yoghurt, salad or piece of fruit with the family at dinner.
What about your kids: are they empowered to eat when they're hungry? With childhood obesity on the rise in this country, it's time for us to look at what we are teaching our kids about self-worth and eating, not just about nutrition. My 3 year-old is usually hungry for dinner earlier than the rest of us, but we cannot always get to making a nutritious dinner form him by that time. We've come up with some healthy snacks that he loves that support his need to eat when he is hungry without sacrificing nutritional value or filling him up too much. He gets his own containers of hummus and his own stash of crackers or he can pick his favorite dipping sauce to have with carrots. Sometimes just a small serving of pine nuts or raisins will do. He is learning that he can meet his own needs by expressing them to his caretakers, and he is building his self-worth by being validated in his expressed needs.
If we don't allow ourselves to eat when we're hungry, and force ourselves to eat when we're not, then we're training out one of the most basic mechanisms for a healthy body that we were given at birth. Our bodies will instead learn to meet other needs with food, like social or emotional needs, before biological needs. This probably works fine for folks who can eat a whole lot and not gain too much weight, or who are not emotional eaters. But for the rest of us, it takes away our power to take care of ourselves. Instead of forbidding snacks, how about helping a youngster identify snack food choices that are healthy and satisfying. If you don't, the snack food advertisers of the world will make your kids' choices very easy, just like they do yours.
Are you validating your self-worth when you eat?
For me, it started as a child. I would come home from school by 4:30 feeling so hungry, and was told that I could not snack, which was equated with "filling up before dinner." Dinner, however, was not until 7:00 pm. as set by the head of household. So, I used to sneak food into my room and eat when I was hungry, but I imagine that there was guilt and fear connected with that choice. I then would sit down to eat my dinner with the family as well. That is the earliest I can remember forming my belief system that learning to meet my own needs with food was a bad thing loaded with shame and secrecy. When did you first learn to sneak food? Is eating still loaded with a hefty helping of fear or shame today?
I have decided that I will eat meals or light snacks when my appetite tells me it's time. That may not be the same time as others in the family. They, too, are free to eat when they're hungry. Meal time can still be a social time, or perhaps gathering together in the evening for other reasons will suffice. I, like many of you, was raised with the notion that one of the most sacred times for a family is the evening meal time. However, if a tradition doesn't work, perhaps it can be re-worked slightly to suit current needs. I have come up with some ways to share a meal with others on those days I need to earlier, without over-eating. I have a meal earlier when I am hungry and then a yoghurt, salad or piece of fruit with the family at dinner.
What about your kids: are they empowered to eat when they're hungry? With childhood obesity on the rise in this country, it's time for us to look at what we are teaching our kids about self-worth and eating, not just about nutrition. My 3 year-old is usually hungry for dinner earlier than the rest of us, but we cannot always get to making a nutritious dinner form him by that time. We've come up with some healthy snacks that he loves that support his need to eat when he is hungry without sacrificing nutritional value or filling him up too much. He gets his own containers of hummus and his own stash of crackers or he can pick his favorite dipping sauce to have with carrots. Sometimes just a small serving of pine nuts or raisins will do. He is learning that he can meet his own needs by expressing them to his caretakers, and he is building his self-worth by being validated in his expressed needs.
If we don't allow ourselves to eat when we're hungry, and force ourselves to eat when we're not, then we're training out one of the most basic mechanisms for a healthy body that we were given at birth. Our bodies will instead learn to meet other needs with food, like social or emotional needs, before biological needs. This probably works fine for folks who can eat a whole lot and not gain too much weight, or who are not emotional eaters. But for the rest of us, it takes away our power to take care of ourselves. Instead of forbidding snacks, how about helping a youngster identify snack food choices that are healthy and satisfying. If you don't, the snack food advertisers of the world will make your kids' choices very easy, just like they do yours.
Are you validating your self-worth when you eat?
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